YATTA~!

woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I’M SO HAPPY :D

After a few hours of job hunting I think I may have a casual job! YAYYY

That is if everything goes well on Friday HAHA :D

I’M so happy that I could cry hahahaa OMGGGGGGGGGg

WOOOOOOOOOT

and you know what the great thing is?

IT’S RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER WAHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!

kyahhhhh I’M SO HAPPY NOW teheheheheheheheeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I’m on a high :D

YATTA YATTA YATTA ~!

I feel extremely lazy & overly moody today

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum

I’m so lazy and moody! WHYY?

Contributing factors:

1. Computer not working smoothly like I want it to

2. Bored as hell

3. SOME PEOPLE JUST ANNOY THE SHIT OUT OF ME. Even if they’re not doing anything it annoys me just to see them!

and then some other stuff.

I’m gonna go job hunting tomorrow and for as long as I need to. Broke as hell and haven’t been out anywhere with friends lately. I FEEL LIKE A RECLUSE. Gawds.

Whatya Want From Me?

This guy has got an AMAZING VOICE!

ADAM LAMBERT

Check him out:

Whatya Want From Me? – Adam Lambert

HE IS SOOOOO COOOOOOOOOOOL! This is my favourite song of his so far! I love the lyrics <3

Plus check him out live:

HIS VOICE IS ssSSSsssOOooooooOOOOOooooooOOOooooooooo goood live as well my god that guy has talent!

His fashion kinda reminds me of Lady GaGa’s in that second clip.

He reminds me of those JRockers too but not to the max visual kei. He still looks good though :D

Lyrics to Whatya Want From Me:

Hey, slow it down
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Yeah, I’m afraid
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

There might have been a time
I would give myself away
(Ooh) Once upon a time
I didn’t give a damn
But now here we are
So
whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Just don’t give up
I’m workin’ it out
Please don’t give in
I won’t let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey,
whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Yeah, it’s plain to see
That baby you’re beautiful
And it’s nothing wrong with you
It’s me – I’m a freak
But thanks for lovin’ me
Cause you’re doing it perfectly

There might have been a time
When I would let you step away
I wouldn’t even try but I think
You could save my life

Just don’t give up
I’m workin’ it out
Please don’t give in
I won’t let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey,
whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Just don’t give up on me
I won’t let you down
No, I won’t let you down

So
Just don’t give up
I’m workin’ it out
Please don’t give in
I won’t let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey,
whataya want from me

Just don’t give up
I’m workin’ it out
Please don’t give in
I won’t let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey,
whataya want from me
(Whataya want from me)
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

source:http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/a/adam_lambert/whataya_want_from_me.html

HAPPY BDAY ZEE

Yo homey, happy 19th birthday :D

just because

I changed the format of my room~! Although it doesn’t feel like there’s much difference at all.

It’s so hot today :( I wished we could go to the beach or something.

I rediscovered that I still love JRock Visual Kei. Well to be more exact The GazettE and Miyavi~! Guys with rocking hair, ripped jeans, chains and killer instruments are so damn cool.

Dark and brooding but who gives a fuck. And they’re not gay. Wish people would just understand the meaning of VISUAL KEI and that it’s their style. I hate it when people take one look at a boy band and instantly think THEY’RE SUPER GAYYYYYx10000. THEY’RE NOT. Don’t be so quick to judge a book’s by it’s cover. Just because their hairstyle is over the top, their clothes are different and they belt out words in a different language that you can’t understand doesn’t mean they are gay or are not worthy of listening to!

I really hate guys who bag boy bands as well. They always say “why do you listen to that crap for?” or “they look like girls. They’re gay.” What is it about guys and making stupid comments like that? For instance when I was into DBSK and guys knew about it they would scoff and laugh. Fucktards. They don’t even listen to the songs and yet they already judge. I’m not saying all guys are like this but most of the guys I know would bag out Korean boy bands.

Cassis – The GazettE; one of their BEST SONG EVARRRRRR

and something else less sinister and brooding; the cat in the clip is soooo cool standing up like that :D

Stranded and lost in this frozen tundra of my heart

I went to the zoo with my family on Sunday. It was fun despite walking around everywhere and not being able to see the spider monkeys because we were fighting with each other on which way to go.

Surprisingly the Koalas were awake, all 5 of them and I was ecstatic because they were moving and it seemed as if they were putting on a show for us :D. It was so cool seeing them jump from branch to branch. One of the koalas sat on another’s head >.<

There were so many animals to see, it was all a blur to me but the highlight of the day was the roaming tiger and the meerkat family. When we went to see the tiger it was up and about, unlike the lions who were all asleep. It was going around the enclosure and everyone who was there kept oohhhing and ahhhing everytime it went up close to the glass. Have I mentioned that tigers are my favourite animal? Of course I love the spider monkeys but they come in second. There’s just something about tigers that draw me in :D

The meerkat family were so damn cute. Some were digging holes in the ground and there was one sleeping on its head. It was all too cute. Then a plane went by and they all stood up on their hind legs and looked up at the sky. It was a wonder. I loved them. They were all so cute. Then they heard rustling noises coming from where we were standing and they all crowded towards me and my family. I think they wanted some of the onion rings :D but of course we didn’t give them any cuz that’s the zoo policy. No feeding the animals because they may get sick. Anyways we stayed there until closing time and caught a ferry back to Circular Quay. Caught the train to Cabra and ate at CabraVale Diggers. I had steak, yum.

Spider monkeyyyy <3 I want one :D

After reading “Atlantis Rising” by Alyssa Day my imagination began tenfold. I couldn’t put the book down and I kept thinking if it were all really true, would I get to meet one of these characters? Were there people like this in the world?

I felt like there was something tugging at my heart. Figuratively and not quite literally. After I read the most spectacular book again, I wanted to be the girl who got the guy. I wanted to live in my fantasy land and I wanted to believe everything written was the truth. I don’t know why but I divulge in these daydreams I’m always in. I don’t want to wake up to reality and I just want to keep on sleeping so that I can still dream. My head is clouded with thoughts and images of imaginary people. Of an imaginary guy. Of a place where I can just live happily ever after.

There’s so much in my mind that I can’t explain it all. I feel like there must be a possible answer to everything I am thinking, feeling but when I sit back and try to comprehend what it is I am feeling, I come up with a blank.

There’s this emptiness in me that I’m afraid of. I see people laughing and smiling and I think to myself, why are they so happy? Why is it that I hate their laughter so much? I feel so fake. The emotions that are stuck in my throat, before I can even let it out changes into something that will make others happy.

I’m afraid one day I will slip up and the mask that I wear will fall off and unveil the uncertainties and the ugly truth of my true self will be for all to see. I’m afraid that if I bite back when goaded or speak my mind things will end badly as I’m sure they will be. I’m afraid of being alone but being around people makes me uncomfortable, as if I don’t deserve their company, as if I am not good enough to join in their conversation.

I always have to tell myself: “you are good enough”. I always have to remind myself: “you’re not a freak”. Why is it that I always revert back to this insecure facade when I am by myself and yet when I am with others it fades away into another facade? A more fake facade of happiness, a more fake facade of what I am truly feeling.

It’s like all my feelings have been stripped of me yet again and somehow I have lost the will to gain it all back. I’m so tired these days of smiling for the sake of someone else. I keep thinking, don’t they know that this smile is fake? Don’t they realise something is amiss?

I’m asking myself now, why did I return to feel the same feelings as before? Why didn’t I stick it out and see what the future would hold for me? Why was I feeling the unnecessary guilt towards the heartache of my life? There are so many “what ifs” and “why” right now going through my head that I can’t sift out what it is I came back for.

Things were good for maybe a week or so. Then it all reverted back to the same shit that had pushed me to leave in the first place. There’s always someone or the other nagging about something. There’s always a frown when I enter a room, or a strong awkward silence until I leave the room.

So much to contemplate about. There’s so much more to a person than meets the eye. I’m on the receiving end of something I thought I could control but the tundra cannot thaw just yet.

“…at the bottom of the jar, there lay hope…”

I’m digging deep and trying to keep optimistic because there are things in this life that will hurt me more than I am now. I can endure it if I still have hope. I just had to write what I was feeling at this point in time because if I don’t get it out, it will keep pushing me towards the edge of insanity.

The possibility of you & me…

I can’t let go, even if I die ♥

New look for twentyten :D

Plus I’m getting around to customizing my blog to make it look prettier. Tell me it looks prettier! (ikid)

It’s been so hot these past few days and I HATE IT. I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE IT! It’d be alright if I had an electric fan but NOOOOOOOOOOO. I’m stuck in the crazy heat. My room literally felt like a sauna~!

I almost died of a heart attack today. I can’t believe I nearly lost my phone. AGAIN. I don’t want to even think about losing another phone~! It makes my heart hurts. LOL.

I mean if it was an old phone I wouldn’t be so wound up, but this is a new phone so yeah man. I went crazy today at Fairfield station, running to the bus stop in hopes of the driver still being there. His bus was there but he was fucking on a toilet break apparently. IT TOOK HIM OVER 30 MINUTES TO COME BACK TO THE BUS >.< gg. But the important thing was he came back and I got my phone so it’s all good. Phew. Close shave.

Waiting in the heat made me crazy. It made a few people in my family crazy too but I don’t wanna delve too much into it.

Hanged out at Cabra Gloria Jeans. AGAIN. I was so bored I just stared at passersby. Gosh, like Darwin said (and this is not a direct quote but close to it, it’s practically 98.9% accurate), add a cancer stick in the equation and I’d be the typical Viet (or any other asian for that matter) sitting at a coffee shop and staring down passersby. Sorry people, I was bored, I stared, not too rudely I hope, while eating breadtop and drinking a mango chiller. I’m so hardcore (snort).

I hope the hot weather dies down soon. I really can’t stand it. Although I heard from people it’s gonna be one hell of a hot weekend. PLEASE GOD NOOOooooOOooOOoooo!!! At least magic an electric fan (preferably an air conditioner, I’m not too picky *cough*) down for me and I’d be content with your crazy weather welding powers, really I wouldn’t even complain~!

I love 2AM’s new song. It’s so catchy and makes me want to listen to it over and over~!

It’s called: “I can’t let go, even if I die” or “Even if I die, I can’t let you go” (whichever one, I’m not sure lol) and I just love the meaning behind the song

Even though it’s a bit hardcore, hence the part “even if i die”, I think it’s a great love ballad *nods*

very catchy chorus, a bit of r’n'b, balladry, love, great meaning = replay on trammie’s media player :D

so anyways here is the translated lyrics/meaning behind the song :

Regardless of the age, it all hurts the same
Regardless of how young you are
We all know and feel pain

Why did you lie that everything will be ok?
The broken heart doesn’t get repaired easily
How will I live without you, so

Even if I die, I can’t let you go
How could I let you go
If you’re planning to leave
Then fix my heart
So I can at least
Live on painlessly
If you can’t, then since I wouldn’t be able to live
I can’t let you go even if I die

No matter how much you push me away
I will hold on to you till the end
So you won’t be able to go anywhere

If you are really leaving, then lie
Let’s meet tomorrow
And meet with a smile
Then say that you were joking about breaking up
If not then

I can’t let you go even I die
How could I let you go
If you’re planning to leave
Then fix my heart
So I can at least
Live on painlessly
If you can’t, then since I wouldn’t be able to live
I can’t let you go even if I die

We spent so much time together
But how could I love alone now?
I can’t do that, I can’t

Even if I die, I can’t let you go
I really can’t let you go
If you’re planning to leave
Then fix my heart
So I can at least
Live on painlessly
If you can’t, then since I wouldn’t be able to live
I can’t let you go even if I die

source: http://koreantopnews.com/story.php?title=lyrics-2am-cant-let-you-go-if-i-die-english-and-romanization-lyrics

Friends are ♥

Happy New Year~!

Resolutions for this year:

1. Get a job!

2. Try not to procrastinate so much

3. Find an apartment

4. Make use with the time I have i.e not sleeping in so much

5. Save up for a trip

6. Learn to drive

7. Get my red P’s

8. Save up for a car

9. Get T.O.P’s hustler bag

10. Meet BIGBANG & all those Korean celebs I like :D (this may never happen haha)

That’s pretty much it. I know I won’t be able to accomplish much but hey, the goals are there :D

Also, I just want to thank my friends for being there when I needed them the most.

Thank you to Kong who has kindly let me stay with her until I can find a job and my own place. Also, thanks for supporting my decision and not judging me. You are and will always be my best friend and confidante. I tell you everything and I know you will always keep it a secret for me. So many times I came to you with a problem and although sometimes you could not help me, you always understood. Thanks for always being there for me.

Darwin, you are my glue. You picked up my pieces and put me together when I was broken and I am truly grateful to you. You mean the world to me. Ever since I met you I have always had brighter days. There’s just something about you that I love so much, I don’t know what it is exactly but it makes me smile whenever I think about the deep friendship we have. You’re also my best friend and confidante and without you coming to help me I don’t know what would have happened. Thank you for always making me smile and for understanding.

Ching, you’re like the big sister that I never had. You’re there to protect me and to save me in my hour of need. Thanks so much for coming to get me and thanks so much for understanding. You’re the best. I don’t know what I would have done if you had not come to pick me and Kong up that night. Also on the night I was stranded at Fairfield Station. You came to pick me up and dropped me off at home safe and sound. What would I have done if you weren’t there to save me? Ching, you’re my LIFESAVER~!

Thanks to all those who supported me when I was down and helped me through this heartache. You are the most important people in my life right now.

I love you all

to stay or to go…

Decisions, decisions.

Stay or go.

Simple yet very complicated.

Stay and keep my head down.

Go and experience the scary world on my own.

Pros and cons of going;

Pro:

-freedom

-no more tears

Con:

-hurting the people I love

Pros and cons of staying;

Pro:

-roof over my head

Con:

-the people I love hurting me

I made the decision to go but there’s something that’s pulling me back, telling me I shouldn’t make this decision, yet if I don’t go I will forever be in a state of depression, one that I can feel creeping up on me already.

Although I want to go, the fact of missing out on everything a family does together makes me rethink the decision. Then I ask myself, have I ever really been included in anything a family does? Clear answer to that question is no. I’ve always been left out.

It’s scary. To think that I am leaving and not having any more close contact with my mum or my siblings. I’m scared that my mum will never forgive my decision, even though she suggested it. Was she being serious or was she just saying that in a moment of fury?

I’ve cried a lot over the past two days. Everytime I think about moving, tears spring to my eyes but I’m stubborn and that’s my decision. The only thing I’m partially worried about now is how I will break the news. I’m overridden with fear.

What will I do without the comfort of my mum? Will I miss her hardiness and her insistent nagging? Will my siblings miss me when I’m gone? Will I ever be the same again?

Questions course through me as I laid in bed thinking about my decision. These tears keep falling but I can’t stop them. They seem to have a life of their own.

I locked myself up for the past two days and it seems like an eternity but I’ve come to grasp the concept of moving. It just hurts me to think that I am leaving behind a mess.

I guess I’m just running away, like how I always wanted to.

I don’t want to stay and think “what if”. There are so many uncertainties in this world and for once I want to grab hold of the one certainty in my life.

This is it. The decision to go. Only time will tell if the situation at hand will clear up. I hope it does. I feel so much guilt everytime I think that my siblings will grow up to hate me for breaking up a family apart. This was my fault to begin…


“Everything is gonna be alright, isn’t it? So damn, why am I crying?” – GDragon; BIGBANG; Lies